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Some months back i wrote “Why did i quit“, now when i read it i still feel the same but i also realise how a decision can change your life ……

In another 19 days i will hit the 25 year mark on lifes milo …. i dunno how much i have seen and how much is left to be seen but i know i have lived “variously” and someday i will live the dream of ‘The Saurabh Way”.. .

In the last 25 years i have evolved and i will continue to do so ….. learning each day .. last couple of months have been the months that have witnessed the  most accelerated learnings. But the biggest chunk of these learning have been brought about by interactions with people. People of all kinds …

The first people i would know of were my parents and till this day I learn from them. I am a lil different from them but essentially the rock solid values they have given me laid the platform for “The Saurabh Way” … I mean they are always there to tell me the “right” way without forcing jus giving enough slack for me to experiment… they are the ones who told me that u have to earn everything not a thing comes for free …. someday u will have to pay …. and the way they have sacrificed a few can … there is no way i can even think of saying about them all here but they have done what a few others could have done…. They are the only people that i had no choice of being with or being without but they have actually been the one without whose guidance and support i would have been nowhere!!

Few examples:

Mom: you have lost your mind u should respect the fact that you got suitably placed in a good company there are so many others who would have never done that ….. ( I know she believes in me .. but she has to tell me a few strict words and she is worried)…

Dad: Do whatever you want.. take informed and good decisions and then goes on to tell my mom …ur son has got mad ….

Younger brother: another one of your misadventures … hehehehe

Friends[various]: Why man .. u shud have kept on doing what u wanted ….even when u were working in the other company…

House help: jooth bole rahein hain sire … pause… Sahee mein chod dee job …KYUN?

Gaurd on gate: aajkal office naheen jatein sire … i tell him i quit … kay majak kar rahein sire .. i am serious and there comes ….. KYUN???

A female from bank who wanted me to get a personal loan : Now she calls again one month down and i tell her i cant give her salary slips fer last three months …. she sighs as if its end of world .. she is like u used to make 25ks …. thats a good job … sire aisa nahen karana chahiye tha(u shudnt have done that) ,… kyun kiya sire ..kyun … ?

HUFFF ……

I tell them ..all of them …. i always wanted to do something on my own … i tried my my hands at dot coms or coaching classes .. through college … and now after college …… i simply decided one fine morning that i had it …..

I worked in almost the best kind of setup u can find… young ppl …most of them engineers with whom i can connect … almost everyone max 2-3 years outta college …. most of them having high IQ … all around me ….

But when i would look upto the level senior to me supposedly managers in the company i felt disgust … plain disgust and pity… though there were notable exceptions … wish i cud name them … they wud know anyways my admiration.

So my company was like a rotten apple … all rosy on outside but a really sad core …. the first bite is awesome mouth watering melting …but the once you get to see the core the ppl who are supossed to hold the future(seeds) of the company you realise they are losers. The company managed to retain them only because either they cudnt find work anywhere else of same caliber and hence a forced loyalty or just wanted to add those precious work ex years. No one wanted to be in that company because it is a market leader as it claims.
Okay i am sounding like a desperate housewife … but the crux is ….. THERE WAS NO ONE TO LOOK UPTO… i cudnt have learnt anything from the ppl there …. but i do agree that there was so much to learn on my own there … but if i had to learn on my own then i will try and learn it the hardest possible way ….. struggle ….

As far as complaining about my ex-comapny goes i can go and rip them to pieces cos they are sad lil typical baniyas trying to run a proclaimed market leader. But its pointless the company is doomed i will keep my most tatseful comments just around when their IPO supposedly comes out ….

Coming back to my resignation… i resigned all of a sudden …. there was a group level meeting and the way person who supposed to lead it …. handled it … i was ashamed that i had to learn from someone as bad as that … i didnt even feel like participating or i rarely felt like speaking …. and when i came out i knew it was the end for me …. i just quit ..i didnt think how i will live for another month or where my next credit card bills (which run in lakhs) will be handled … i just had it …. I HAD TO … if i wudnt have done it …my free will wud have died i wud have been another pig tied to the post …. thiking in terms of salary …. in terms of next party … next raise …next bargaain for salary/position….. next poject …next day …. next 10:30 am deadline to enter in office or get a mail game ….. .

Let me add that i was already embittered for quite some time by a foolish management decision that had split the group and readjusted ppl in other groups … the decision had failure written all over it from day 1 … infact it clearly showed how fragile and short thinking the management was when it decided to throw around the ppl who produce real work rather than give another meritorious person a chance to lead. They failed, almost 70% ppl who got adjusted to various teams rather pre-existing teams QUIT!! and the person who cud have been offered the leading role was offered the role in a cuple of months ….. a bad management that FAILED FAILED AND FAILED ……and it is working day in and day out to take the company down and out. I know these are strong words but its my BLOG …i will write what i feel ….

So now here i stand or rather trying to stand along with a few friends….trying to bring together a company …  .. we struggle we fail but we try again …. we write our own website …we write each and every word that is there ..we have own own ideas …. we want to differ all in due time …. some laugh us off… some admire … some smirk … but i just know one thing i feel refreshed and happy after i have worked for 18hrs … i have no money … credit cards are all closed there are only calls for recovery but i am not worried i know i am going to work it out i will have to come through cos i left myself with no choice ….

And that is why i quit…… I WANTED TO GIVE MYSELF NO OTHER OPTIONS/CHOICES

I have been using Gmail for last 3 years, 2 months, 11 days now, right from the times when getting an invite was a privilege, i still remember i had to chose 6 close friends from among a lot of requests i got from friends for sending out invites when i was able to secure a gmail account.

Gmail as my dear friend Akash says had changed the rule of games in April of 2004 and i thought it was another april fool trick from the ever lively google bag of surprises. But, in reality Gmail did change the rules of the game every provider yahoo to what not ran to find a decent reply for the gauntlet thrown by google in the ring.

Continuing the tradition, google has once again made a strong move by proving IMAP free to its Gmail users. This undoubtedly will ensure that others have to follow suit. IMAP was heartfelt need providing the much needed two way flow of information between “n” number of clients and the gmail servers.

I use Microsoft Office Outlook 2007 on my Vista Home premium edition running on a Core 2 Duo with 1.5GB RAM. To get IMAP going was a breeze. Put in your Username and Password and then the outlook much to my relief downloaded all the setting perfectly with no need to manually set port and all; unlike for POP3 access where you have to go to advanced tab to get the thing going. From that point, it took me almost 15 hours(couple of client restarts as gmail server kept knocking me out) to get the headers of my 39178 mails in my gmail account, all neatly arranged in the folders here as they were in labels there. Few things that i couldn’t help notice were:

• Gmail IMAP access is slow to the extent that at times the Microsoft Office Outlook keeps on preparing the requested view for a couple of minutes to change into a “not responding” entity.
• Outlook 2007 client only starts downloading the marked message when you leave you laptop alone, what i mean, that downloading marked messages is an idle actvity (lowest on priority) when your outlook is online and the internet access is at its minimum.
• Even when only outlook is working it doesnot use the full bandwidth avaliable.
• Every action you do on your client here gets a reaction (gets reflected) in your webmail, like you flag it here and it gets starred there.
• My outlook is continiously syncronizing folders in my mail account and my pst is already in order of 4GB, i think it reserves the space on the hard disk as per the size of the mail as described in headers.
• If i add a .pst here in a particular gmail account i will get the mails arranged under labels in webmail now thats extra cool, heheh, the two way highway

I will be writing about it more as i get used to Google IMAP experince ….

WIKI says : Procrastination is a type of avoidance behaviour which is characterised by deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. It is often cited by psychologists as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision.

I know i am kinda afflicted by this behaviour … and i think i need no psycho to tell me this … so many times i just dunt do it for the sake of not doing it … its not that i am waiting for a more oppurtune moment i just procarastinate ….. some examples :

My group expects me to do something by a certain timeline. I wait for the end moment and then even longer and then suddenly when i know i cannot avoid anymore i rush into work. Inthe end i deliver, a just average work delivering much more that what could have been done in that time. I know my efficiency is good and i had all capabilities to do the work in a much better way, i just didnt do it ….

My passport form is lying with me i need to just fill it in and courier … rest will be taken care at home … i think i am still waiting …

I need to drop so many cheques its costing me pointless interest that could be avoided … but i just dont do it…i would pass the drop box but wont drop the cheque … some other time …in evening ..next morning and then later ….

My bike needs immediate attention, i think i am waiting for it to breakdown so that i have to put extraoridnary effort to get it fixed …..

I need to buy a chair ASAP at home …its affecting my work …. i dunno what i am waiting for ….good time …

I need to call up her to tell her that i love her …i dunno what i am waiting for ..maybe ….

I knew all day long that i had to call Sharad on his bday ..i just procrastinated … not that i didnt want to …i just wanted to avoid his displeasure of my previous behaviour …. Again avoidance …

I need to call Prashant Dubey and let him know that nuthing is wrong friend …. i just need to tell him that i am Sorry …i still dunt know what i am waiting for ..i know the mistake was big but Prashant would have understood …by avoiding i just made it worse … i dunt know why … distances created out of nowhere …. avoidance

I dunno why … i am waiting for what i am waiting ….

Even now there is a bug up my full sleeve i can feel it just as it moves …. but i am waiting for it to go away on my own rather than making an effort to get it out ….

i think i will write more later …..

Here is the original cuppycake video …. Amy Castle at 3 , 1994 … Enjoy !!

You’re my Honeybunch, Sugarplum
Pumpy-umpy-umpkin, You’re my Sweetie Pie
You’re my Cuppycake, Gumdrop
Snoogums-Boogums, You’re the Apple of my Eye
And I love you so and I want you to know
That I’ll always be right here
And I love to sing sweet songs to you
Because you are so dear

Since i have kept the quality of the video high the file size is high and it may require patience on your part … but trust me its worth it …

Its better to watch it full screen for the same reason… u just have to click that solid round black button on the player bar below to activate the fullscreen mode ….. Do IT!!

Hope u enjoy !!!

Incase of any comment or query … Feel free to contact me …:P

The video with lower resoltion will be added soon .. will need to re encode with different settings till then the corporate users can enjoy !!

The link to the picture page is here… (Before going there please read the complete post) http://www.saurabhsachan.com/through-lens/leh-trip/ … i have added two lines there for each day there …..in case you want to go through any specific day the links are down here for individual days…

Best mode to go through the pictures is

Step 1 : Go to the Page.

Step 2 :Scroll to bottom of the page to start from Day 1.

Step 3 : Setup the slideshow mode, scroll little so that u can read the captions that change below with pictures, sitback and enjoy (if u can!!)

For impatient ones … without going in slideshow mode keep clicking next at your own pace … and read if u like what i have to say there ….

For very impatient ones the links to start slideshow for each day are down here dont even go there …

So, when i got chance there was no way i could have said no …. there were a lot of groups and many people who were going to do the deed, but at a later date ….. and i didnt know if i would let go of the first oppurtunity to lose (Leh) virginity would i have another chance …… so i told myself … When You Gotta Do It, You Gotta Do It…… this phrase was oft repeated at numerous occasions and to numerous gentle(men and women)…. that we met on the way ….

Before, anything else i must thank one guy … Hitanshu … (though i hate him for not being a party to the affair) … he finally did the deed other way round …. and whose extensive planning served me till the end of the whole ride …. more importantly his knowledege was more accurate, than what we sourced from locals… Hats off to him …

So here is the 11 day long process of “Getting Leh’ed” …..

Day 1 : 27th May 2007 : Saturday: Gurgaon — Patnitop

Day 2 : 28th May 2007 : Sunday: Patnitop — Srinagar

Day 3 : 29th May 2007 : Monday: Srinagar — Sonamarg

Day 4 : 30th May 2007 : Tuesday: Sonamarg — Kargil

Day 5 : 31th May 2007 : Wednesday: Kargil — Leh

Day 6 : 1st June 2007 : Thursday: Leh Buffer

Day 7 : 2nd June 2007 : Friday: Leh — KhardungLa — Leh

Day 8 : 3rd June 2007 : Saturday: Leh — Pangong Tso — Leh

Day 9 : 4th June 2007 : Sunday: Leh — Sarchu

Day 10 : 5th June 2007 : Monday: Sarchu — Bhantur

Day 11 : 6th June 2007 : Tuesday: Bhantur — Gurgaon

I will be writing one post for each day …. adding relevant pictures right in there ….

I dont like being drunk and losing control …..

but isnt too much of control, a “self killer”….

because being free is a quintessential requirement ……….

But still i hate myself fer drinking … i can be a real pig …. i hated myself for puking out of Divya’s car … made a ass of myself …

i can be just fine … butt off late(last 6 months, almost since December) i have started feeling this persistent need to let go of myself….Why?

Alcohol ….especially vodka has the ability to bring about that(“let go ” part) …i am such a novice …i can almost sustain a quarter on rocks …before i get too excited …

When iam drunk … i am “Who am I”, “I fucking give a Damn”…, “Iam a Rockstar”…, “i am schumacher”… “i am cheknov” … ..so why not drink…Why not feel that euphoria of being the Best and …being Self Satisfied….

People who dont drink will never know what i mean … But plss dunt ever drink …cos with these “euphoric moments”…also come those bad times when u cry (sometimes u shud) …u say things that u shud naver say … u make a fucking ass of urself … u die like a diog on road trying to break that 135kmph barrier on ur new bike…

Though u can hide all that under the pretext of drinking ….its worthless ..cos u lose that “iota” of respect …ven when u r among the best of frens….

dont do it … Its not worth it ….

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Once more the time just flew after midnight…….

Once more the night proved that it is much smaller than the day ……(relativity)

Once more the night was dedicated to lengthy discussions ranging from as silly as … the length of some pretty HR female’s skirt to what life is now … what life was and where it is going …. philosphy , intellect , nostalgia, gossip , being the keywords ..

Once more the night let me watch, yet another good flick (Good Will Hunting, Matrix Trilogy…, …, …) … … yet another time ….to find something that i had missed prior to today …

Once more the night let me ride on my bike for a few kilometers and feel that cool wind in my face ….. and “Feel Like God”…

Once more the night beckoned for the “Night Clubs” … good music and chiks …..( Do i really want to go ???)

Once more the night ………. has left me tired cos day wasnt gud enuff to sap me of my energy …..

I THINK I HAVE MORE TO SAY ….I AM NOT DONE …….. THIS POST will be APPENDED …….. FOR NOW ……JUST a few WORDS after a Small NIGHT ….

But I will keep it ‘cos it serves the purpose …. it exactly does what i want it to do …. say hello to the world ….

I always wanted to make my life … “An open Book ” ( i am sure u must have heard of that before ) …. nevertheless …. the objective, i am sure, is aptly conveyed.

So all are invited to come and read … But the few who want to scribble … will have to Register ..

And if that doesnt satisfy you … and u want to know me in flesh (pun intended) … then go here ….