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I have been asked this question by everybody and been advised by………………. EVERYBODY!!

Few examples:

Mom: you have lost your mind u should respect the fact that you got suitably placed in a good company there are so many others who would have never done that ….. ( I know she believes in me .. but she has to tell me a few strict words and she is worried)…

Dad: Do whatever you want.. take informed and good decisions and then goes on to tell my mom …ur son has got mad ….

Younger brother: another one of your misadventures … hehehehe

Friends[various]: Why man .. u shud have kept on doing what u wanted ….even when u were working in the other company…

House help: jooth bole rahein hain sire … pause… Sahee mein chod dee job …KYUN?

Gaurd on gate: aajkal office naheen jatein sire … i tell him i quit … kay majak kar rahein sire .. i am serious and there comes ….. KYUN???

A female from bank who wanted me to get a personal loan : Now she calls again one month down and i tell her i cant give her salary slips fer last three months …. she sighs as if its end of world .. she is like u used to make 25ks …. thats a good job … sire aisa nahen karana chahiye tha(u shudnt have done that) ,… kyun kiya sire ..kyun … ?

HUFFF ……

I tell them ..all of them …. i always wanted to do something on my own … i tried my my hands at dot coms or coaching classes .. through college … and now after college …… i simply decided one fine morning that i had it …..

I worked in almost the best kind of setup u can find… young ppl …most of them engineers with whom i can connect … almost everyone max 2-3 years outta college …. most of them having high IQ … all around me ….

But when i would look upto the level senior to me supposedly managers in the company i felt disgust … plain disgust and pity… though there were notable exceptions … wish i cud name them … they wud know anyways my admiration.

So my company was like a rotten apple … all rosy on outside but a really sad core …. the first bite is awesome mouth watering melting …but the once you get to see the core the ppl who are supossed to hold the future(seeds) of the company you realise they are losers. The company managed to retain them only because either they cudnt find work anywhere else of same caliber and hence a forced loyalty or just wanted to add those precious work ex years. No one wanted to be in that company because it is a market leader as it claims.
Okay i am sounding like a desperate housewife … but the crux is ….. THERE WAS NO ONE TO LOOK UPTO… i cudnt have learnt anything from the ppl there …. but i do agree that there was so much to learn on my own there … but if i had to learn on my own then i will try and learn it the hardest possible way ….. struggle ….

As far as complaining about my ex-comapny goes i can go and rip them to pieces cos they are sad lil typical baniyas trying to run a proclaimed market leader. But its pointless the company is doomed i will keep my most tatseful comments just around when their IPO supposedly comes out ….

Coming back to my resignation… i resigned all of a sudden …. there was a group level meeting and the way person who supposed to lead it …. handled it … i was ashamed that i had to learn from someone as bad as that … i didnt even feel like participating or i rarely felt like speaking …. and when i came out i knew it was the end for me …. i just quit ..i didnt think how i will live for another month or where my next credit card bills (which run in lakhs) will be handled … i just had it …. I HAD TO … if i wudnt have done it …my free will wud have died i wud have been another pig tied to the post …. thiking in terms of salary …. in terms of next party … next raise …next bargaain for salary/position….. next poject …next day …. next 10:30 am deadline to enter in office or get a mail game ….. .

Let me add that i was already embittered for quite some time by a foolish management decision that had split the group and readjusted ppl in other groups … the decision had failure written all over it from day 1 … infact it clearly showed how fragile and short thinking the management was when it decided to throw around the ppl who produce real work rather than give another meritorious person a chance to lead. They failed, almost 70% ppl who got adjusted to various teams rather pre-existing teams QUIT!! and the person who cud have been offered the leading role was offered the role in a cuple of months ….. a bad management that FAILED FAILED AND FAILED ……and it is working day in and day out to take the company down and out. I know these are strong words but its my BLOG …i will write what i feel ….

So now here i stand or rather trying to stand along with a few friends….trying to bring together a company …  .. we struggle we fail but we try again …. we write our own website …we write each and every word that is there ..we have own own ideas …. we want to differ all in due time …. some laugh us off… some admire … some smirk … but i just know one thing i feel refreshed and happy after i have worked for 18hrs … i have no money … credit cards are all closed there are only calls for recovery but i am not worried i know i am going to work it out i will have to come through cos i left myself with no choice ….

And that is why i quit…… I WANTED TO GIVE MYSELF NO OTHER OPTIONS/CHOICES

Am i just Lazy or i just procrastinate a bit too much ….

WIKI says : Procrastination is a type of avoidance behaviour which is characterised by deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. It is often cited by psychologists as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision.

I know i am kinda afflicted by this behaviour … and i think i need no psycho to tell me this … so many times i just dunt do it for the sake of not doing it … its not that i am waiting for a more oppurtune moment i just procarastinate ….. some examples :

My group expects me to do something by a certain timeline. I wait for the end moment and then even longer and then suddenly when i know i cannot avoid anymore i rush into work. Inthe end i deliver, a just average work delivering much more that what could have been done in that time. I know my efficiency is good and i had all capabilities to do the work in a much better way, i just didnt do it ….

My passport form is lying with me i need to just fill it in and courier … rest will be taken care at home … i think i am still waiting …

I need to drop so many cheques its costing me pointless interest that could be avoided … but i just dont do it…i would pass the drop box but wont drop the cheque … some other time …in evening ..next morning and then later ….

My bike needs immediate attention, i think i am waiting for it to breakdown so that i have to put extraoridnary effort to get it fixed …..

I need to buy a chair ASAP at home …its affecting my work …. i dunno what i am waiting for ….good time …

I need to call up her to tell her that i love her …i dunno what i am waiting for ..maybe ….

I knew all day long that i had to call Sharad on his bday ..i just procrastinated … not that i didnt want to …i just wanted to avoid his displeasure of my previous behaviour …. Again avoidance …

I need to call Prashant Dubey and let him know that nuthing is wrong friend …. i just need to tell him that i am Sorry …i still dunt know what i am waiting for ..i know the mistake was big but Prashant would have understood …by avoiding i just made it worse … i dunt know why … distances created out of nowhere …. avoidance

I dunno why … i am waiting for what i am waiting ….

Even now there is a bug up my full sleeve i can feel it just as it moves …. but i am waiting for it to go away on my own rather than making an effort to get it out ….

i think i will write more later …..

I am a “Neat” Smirnoff quarter down …lets see how i write …. ???

I dont like being drunk and losing control …..

but isnt too much of control, a “self killer”….

because being free is a quintessential requirement ……….

But still i hate myself fer drinking … i can be a real pig …. i hated myself for puking out of Divya’s car … made a ass of myself …

i can be just fine … butt off late(last 6 months, almost since December) i have started feeling this persistent need to let go of myself….Why?

Alcohol ….especially vodka has the ability to bring about that(“let go ” part) …i am such a novice …i can almost sustain a quarter on rocks …before i get too excited …

When iam drunk … i am “Who am I”, “I fucking give a Damn”…, “Iam a Rockstar”…, “i am schumacher”… “i am cheknov” … ..so why not drink…Why not feel that euphoria of being the Best and …being Self Satisfied….

People who dont drink will never know what i mean … But plss dunt ever drink …cos with these “euphoric moments”…also come those bad times when u cry (sometimes u shud) …u say things that u shud naver say … u make a fucking ass of urself … u die like a diog on road trying to break that 135kmph barrier on ur new bike…

Though u can hide all that under the pretext of drinking ….its worthless ..cos u lose that “iota” of respect …ven when u r among the best of frens….

dont do it … Its not worth it ….

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